Isang gabi, sumakay ng taxi
ang isang studyanteng babae.
Papauwi sya sa kaniyang dorm.

Ilang metro pa lang ang takbo
ng taxi nang biglang
bumilis ang takbo nito.

Babae: Manong
dahandahan lang baka
mabangga tayo.

Driver: Pasensya ka na eneng.
Kanina nang tingnan kita dito
sa salamin nakita kong may
katabi kang tao pero wala siyang
laman kundi puro kalansay lang.

Horror Text Jokes 2

Kung may malagong kahoy
sa tabi ng bahay niyo.
Kausapin mo na tatay mo
na maipaputol ito
Dahil dito nagtatago ang
mga aswang tuwing
bilog ang buwan habang
nagmamasid sa iyo.

Horror Text Jokes 3

Wag kang matulog
malapit sa bintana
upang wag kang mabiktima
ng mga manananggal.

Horror Text Jokes 4

Will please visit me at my tomb
If you will not visit me there
I will stay here in your room
tomorrow evening.

Your late grandpa.

Horror Text Jokes 5

Alam mo ba kung bakit
napapanaginipan mo ako?

Ang totoo, nandito ako
sa tabi mo habang
natutulog ka.

Kahit kaluluwa na lang ako,
masaya pa rin akong
kasama ka.

Here they are:

1. Wife 1: (while eating cooked sweet potato) You know, this sweet potato reminds me of my husband’s balls…
   Wife 2: Reminds you of what? Balls’ size?
   Wife 1: No! It reminds me of how dirty are my husband’s balls.
2. Wife: (During sex) hey! I am not enjoying this intercourse. Your penis is too small.
   Husband: Don’t ever tell me that my penis is too small. It’s not my penis that is too small but your vagina which is too big.
3. Husband 1: (with his midwife wife) Where are you going? My wife is here to assist your wife deliver your child.
   Husband 2: I’m sorry, but I will bring my wife to the nearest hospital. Your wife doesn’t know how to repair vagina after giving birth.

- Pinoy Text Messages

Here’re my own naughty texts:

1. Bakit nakatayo ang lalake kung umiihi
   at ang babae naman ay nakaupo?
   Pagkat ang lalake ay may mahahawakan
   Habang ang babae ay walang mahahawakan
2. Ano ang pagkakaiba ng init ng babae sa
   init ng apoy?
   Ang init ng apoy ay nakaluluto ng talong,
   Ang init ng babae ay nagpapabuhay ng talong.
3. Bakit sinasabi na ang lalaki at ang babae
   Ay ginawang isang laman?
   Pagkat kung ipapasok ng lalaki ang ari niya
   sa ari ng babae magiging isang laman sila.

- Pinoy Text Messages

So much for that, here are few of the samples of naughty texts between couples. I’m sorry if these text messages are not really naughty texts. These are just my own composition:

1. What kind of milk would you feed to your newly born baby,
   canned milk or breast milk?
   Well, of course, canned milk is best for my baby,
   While breast milk is for daddy.
2. Where ever you go, and what ever you do,
   Honey please don’t forget to bring you my “P”
   Just kiss it if you’ll miss me
   Smell its odor if you need me.
3. Honey, you really are so sweet,
   Katunayan, pudpud na ngipin ko sa kaki-kiss sa yo.

- Pinoy Text Messages

I even asked my wife and she just answered me that “Naughty Text messages” are similar “Funny Text Messages”. But then if they really have similarities, they should have differences too. So, I define first naughty usingt he Google’s definition feature.

Naughty according to the PRINSTON.EDU is also called blue or suggestive of sexual impropriety. By considering this definition, I found few text messages in my archive:

1. SELBOY: Sir, you’re lucky enough to have a cute son. I think, he will be a good driver.
   JAMES: Why did you say that?
   SELBOY: He’s cute and really looks like your driver.
2. AGENT ASERO: Ma’am according to my investigation, your husband really is checking in to 5 hotels in 5 days.
   LADY Q: And what was he doing in those hotels?
   AGEN ASERO: He’s following you ma’am in the hotels that you and your driver checked in with.
3. SELBOY: Honey! I think you need to learn to cook for us to save 3,000 from getting a maid.
   WIFE: Honey! I think, you need to learn how to play me in bed for us to save 5,000 from our driver.

However, the WIKIPEDIA.ORG define it as tending to misbehave. And considering this definition, I got these text message:

1. TEACHER: Selboy! why are you using your daddy’s underwear as your hat?
   SELBOY: Ma’am, my father told me that his under-HAIR (Pubic Hair) are thick, healthy, curly, and strong.
   TEACHER: Then what’s the relation of that in wearing underwear in your head.
   SELBOY: I think, this thing makes his under-HAIR thick, healthy, curly, and strong. I just want to have that kind of hair.

- Pinoy Text Messages

1. Kung gusto mong mag-asawa
   Hanapin mo yung mataba
   Bumagyo man at bumaha
   Mayron kang magamit na panangga
2. Noon, ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika
   Ay mas mabaho pa sa malansang isda.
   Pero ngayon, ang hindi nagmahal sa sariling wika
   Ay nagtatrabaho sa call center.
3. Noon, ang mga seaman ay simanloloko.
   Pero ngayon, ang mga seaman ay
   simangnaloko ng mga asawa.

- Pinoy Text Messages

I have here few “Tagalog Jokes SMS” sent to me by my friends:

1. Sexy: Maawa ka! Meron ako! Meron ako!
   Rapist: ahhh! Walang meron meron sa akin! Tuwad!
   Sexy: Wagggg!
   Rapist: Ngi! Meron ka nga! Meron kang itlog! Bakla!
2. Ina: Wow! galing talaga ng anak ko sa Math. Sige nga tanungin kita.
   Anak: Sige
   Ina: Kung bibigyan kita ng 3 apples, at bibigyan ka ng papa mo ng 4 apples. Anong sagot mo?
   Anak: Salamat!
3. Aplikante: Sir, gusto ko pong magsundalo.
   Officer: Di ka pwede. Sira mga ngipin mo…
   Aplikante: Bakit sir, ang gyera ba ngayon ay lips to lips na?

- Pinoy Text Messages

Here’s the list of the few of the Bubble Gang Jokes. They’re not really copied in words by words because I couldn’t.

1. Woman: Hoy! Ba’t ka namumutla? Parang nakakita ka ng multo.
   Man: Ikaw ang nakakita ng multo. Kagabi pa ako namatay!
2. Woman: Ano bang nangyari ba’t ka nanginginig sa takot?
   Man: Nakita ko kasi asawa ko sa labas ng motel?
   Woman: Wala naman yatang kasama?
   Man: Siya walang kasama. E ako meron!
3. Woman: Takot na tako ka.
   Man: Napagalitan ako ng tatay ko.
   Woman: Napagalitan ka lang ng tatay mo takot ka na?
   Man: Pano matagal nang patay tatay ko.
4. Bakla: Tulong tulong tulong! May multo!
   Babae: San ang multo?
   Bakla: Hayan o sa may bintana!
   Babae: Gunggong! Mukha mo yan sa salamin.

1. Selboy: Honey, our neighbors told me that there are lots of ghosts here in our place.
   Junith: I don’t know who told you that. What I know is we don’t have neighbors here. The people next door were all killed by a murderer last year.
2. One day, God give a child the beautiful wings. The child asks, “Am I angel now Lord?” God answered, “No! You are now a bat!”
3. Selboy: Honey, nakita mo ba yung bahay doon sa may bundok. Wow! Ang ganda!
   Junith: Anong bahay? E! balete yang itinuro mo e.

- Pinoy Text Messages

Knock Knock joke # 1

Sender: 0906-868-****

knock knock
amo: knock knock
chimay: who’s there?
amo: amo mo!
chimay: amo mo hah?
amo: hoy inday! papasukin mo aq tanga!
chimay: ikaw ang tanga! kumatok ka kasi, wag ka sumigaw ng ‘knock knock’, bobo!