Knock Knock joke # 1

Sender: 0906-868-****

knock knock
amo: knock knock
chimay: who’s there?
amo: amo mo!
chimay: amo mo hah?
amo: hoy inday! papasukin mo aq tanga!
chimay: ikaw ang tanga! kumatok ka kasi, wag ka sumigaw ng ‘knock knock’, bobo!

1. Kung gusto mong mag-asawa
   Hanapin mo yung mataba
   Bumagyo man at bumaha
   Mayron kang magamit na panangga
2. Noon, ang hindi magmahal sa sariling wika
   Ay mas mabaho pa sa malansang isda.
   Pero ngayon, ang hindi nagmahal sa sariling wika
   Ay nagtatrabaho sa call center.
3. Noon, ang mga seaman ay simanloloko.
   Pero ngayon, ang mga seaman ay
   simangnaloko ng mga asawa.

- Pinoy Text Messages

I have here few “Tagalog Jokes SMS” sent to me by my friends:

1. Sexy: Maawa ka! Meron ako! Meron ako!
   Rapist: ahhh! Walang meron meron sa akin! Tuwad!
   Sexy: Wagggg!
   Rapist: Ngi! Meron ka nga! Meron kang itlog! Bakla!
2. Ina: Wow! galing talaga ng anak ko sa Math. Sige nga tanungin kita.
   Anak: Sige
   Ina: Kung bibigyan kita ng 3 apples, at bibigyan ka ng papa mo ng 4 apples. Anong sagot mo?
   Anak: Salamat!
3. Aplikante: Sir, gusto ko pong magsundalo.
   Officer: Di ka pwede. Sira mga ngipin mo…
   Aplikante: Bakit sir, ang gyera ba ngayon ay lips to lips na?

- Pinoy Text Messages

Here’s the list of the Tagalog Love Text Messages:

1. Mahirap mang mabuhay na malayo sa piling mo,
   Pagtitiisan ko ito dahil alam kong nariyan ka naghihirap
   Para sa ikabubuti ng sambahayang
   Pinagsisikapan mong mabuo.
   Mahal na mahal kita.
2. Lagi kong naiisip
   Sana nasa tabi mo ngayon ako
   Sinisikat at pinipilit
   pawiin ang pagod ng katawan mo.
   I miss you so much.
3. Habang nakahiga at nakapikit ang mga mata
   Pilit kong sa panaginip ay makita ka
   Sa gayon ay maibsan ang aking pangulila
   Matitiis ko ang hirap ng aking nadarama.
   Sana sa panaginip natin tayo ay magkasama.

- Pinoy Text Messages

1. Knock! Knock! Knock!
   A pillow of sweet dreams
   A blanket of warm night
   A whisper of goodnight
   And a sweet smile,
   Especially for you!
   Have a wonderful night.
2. I am tired
   I am sleepy
   I want to forget everything
   But not about you
   Because I want to be with you
   Even just in my dreams
   I love you and good night
3. I want to be asleep
   I just don’t want to be awaken
   Because I just want to be with you
   In my dreams.
   Have a peaceful night.

Here they are:

1. Wife 1: (while eating cooked sweet potato) You know, this sweet potato reminds me of my husband’s balls…
   Wife 2: Reminds you of what? Balls’ size?
   Wife 1: No! It reminds me of how dirty are my husband’s balls.
2. Wife: (During sex) hey! I am not enjoying this intercourse. Your penis is too small.
   Husband: Don’t ever tell me that my penis is too small. It’s not my penis that is too small but your vagina which is too big.
3. Husband 1: (with his midwife wife) Where are you going? My wife is here to assist your wife deliver your child.
   Husband 2: I’m sorry, but I will bring my wife to the nearest hospital. Your wife doesn’t know how to repair vagina after giving birth.

- Pinoy Text Messages

Here’s the list of the few of the Bubble Gang Jokes. They’re not really copied in words by words because I couldn’t.

1. Woman: Hoy! Ba’t ka namumutla? Parang nakakita ka ng multo.
   Man: Ikaw ang nakakita ng multo. Kagabi pa ako namatay!
2. Woman: Ano bang nangyari ba’t ka nanginginig sa takot?
   Man: Nakita ko kasi asawa ko sa labas ng motel?
   Woman: Wala naman yatang kasama?
   Man: Siya walang kasama. E ako meron!
3. Woman: Takot na tako ka.
   Man: Napagalitan ako ng tatay ko.
   Woman: Napagalitan ka lang ng tatay mo takot ka na?
   Man: Pano matagal nang patay tatay ko.
4. Bakla: Tulong tulong tulong! May multo!
   Babae: San ang multo?
   Bakla: Hayan o sa may bintana!
   Babae: Gunggong! Mukha mo yan sa salamin.

1. Selboy: Honey, our neighbors told me that there are lots of ghosts here in our place.
   Junith: I don’t know who told you that. What I know is we don’t have neighbors here. The people next door were all killed by a murderer last year.
2. One day, God give a child the beautiful wings. The child asks, “Am I angel now Lord?” God answered, “No! You are now a bat!”
3. Selboy: Honey, nakita mo ba yung bahay doon sa may bundok. Wow! Ang ganda!
   Junith: Anong bahay? E! balete yang itinuro mo e.

- Pinoy Text Messages

1. Vampire 1: Buddy, can you please accompany me. I just want to buy mouth wash.
   Vampire 2: What happen to your mouth?
   Vampire 1: I have batbreath.
2. Ghost 1: Pre, ayoko na! ayoko na!
   Ghost 2: Bakit pre?
   Ghost 1: Ayoko nang magtoothbrush. Wala na ako ipin!
3. Selboy: Hon, alam mo ba kung ano klaseng bola ang paboritong gamitin ng mga kaluluwa kung magbabasketball?
   Junith: Hindi e. Ano?
   Selboy: E ano pa, di yung ulo ng kanilang bangkay

- Pinoy Text Messages

Pinoy Text Messages # 56

Sender: Weng Lobo

Always look over the little
details of your life

like a child’s laughter

a friend’s hug

or a stranger’s smile

to love someone
And to love by some one

enjoy them…

they may be small
but when you look
back in your life
you’ll realize that
those are the things
that made your life
colorful and worth
living for

Pinoy Text Messages # 57

Sender: Weng Lobo

Minsan, friend is better
than lover

Minsan tea is better
than coffee

Minsan, smile is better
than laughter

Pero you know what?

Nobody is better than you!

Pinoy Text Messages # 58

Sender: Weng Lobo

Another day is
Knocking at your door
to continue 1 more page
of your life

May this new morning
brings you more strength,
graces and blessings

Good morning!

Pinoy Text Messages # 59

Sender: Weng Lobo

Seeking help is
not a sign of ignorance

It’s an intellectual
act that allows
people to admit
that some situations
are not meant to be
handled alone.

Pinoy Text Messages # 60

Sender: Alona Teomera

Enrich your vocabolary:

Long time no see –
matagal nang bulag

Misunderstanding –
babaeng nakatayo sa ilalim

Persuading –
unang kasal

Predicate –
Pakawalan mo ang pusa

Selfish –
nagbebenta ng isda

Contemplate –
kaunti ang plato

Defeat –
ang mga paa

Statue –
Ikaw ba yan?

Dilemma
– brownout ba?

Aspect –
pantusok ng yelo

City –
numero bago mag-otso

The value –
susunod sa letrang V…

Pinoy Text Messages # 61

Sender: Gina Onting

One day
I was standing
on the street
then a boy came
to be and said …

“… bili ka na po ng payong …”

nagtaka ako kasi di
naman maaraw at
di rin maulan
then I asked…

“bakit?”

the boy said …

“inuulan ka kasi ng
kagandahan eh…”

Oh come on!!!
Give me that all…

Pinoy Text Messages # 62

Sender: Gina Onting

Take time for
what ‘s important
to you

For what makes you
happiest!

Take time to be
with those you love

Take time to look
around at all the
gladness the world
can offer…

All of it is yours…

If you only take the time!

Pinoy Text Messages # 63

Sender: En-en Ranes

Guluhin natin
ang isip mo …

Ang kriminal ay ama ng
kapatid ng anak ng judge…

Tanong: kaano ano ng
Judge ang kriminal

No reply No IQ

Pinoy Text Messages # 64

Sender:  Bebian Roa

Sundays are meant for:

Rest from the weeks work

Praying for the week ahead

and…

Thanksgiving for God’s love
and generosity.

Pinoy Text Messages # 65

Sender: Weng Lobo

I’m playing
a puzzle of my
life,

Suddenly I noticed
something

The most important
piece was missing!

Then I realized
I need to talk to you…

“Pwede ba kitang mahiram
para mabuo ako?”

Pinoy Text Messages # 66

Sender: Weng Lobo

For the times
you were there for me

for all the throughful
things you’ve said and done

For the jokes
too cheer me up

For a friendship
that means so much

I don’t know
how to repay you

Just want to say…

I miss you so much!

Pinoy Text Messages # 67

Sender: Weng Lobo

Can you tell me
how to forget someone
who had been a great
part of your life?

how to let go a person
you love most?

how to forgive the person
who hurt you?

Simple questions yet
so difficult to answer…

Why? seems like the
only way is to pretend just
like nothing….

Pinoy Text Messages # 68

Sender: Weng Lobo

Life never seems to
be the way  we want it
but we need to live it the
best way we can.

There’s no perfect life…

But we can fill it with
perfect moments…

Pinoy Text Messages # 69

Sender: 090658225**

Your crush texted you
I love you

You texted back
Are you sure?

He said, Yes

Napatalon ka sa tuwa
Then bigla dumating
bestfriend mo sabi
niya “I borrowed your CP
yesterday” wala bang
nagtext sayo?

Pinoy Text Messages # 70

Sender: 090658225**

Simple “Bye” makes you cry
Simple “Joke” make you laugh
Simple “Care” makes you fall in love
Simple “Hug” makes you feel warm

Hope my simple “Hi” makes you smile